NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
