So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
