Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
