all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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