I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Randomize
