I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
