Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
