Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
