Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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