I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
