Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
