I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
a search helicopter?!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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