WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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