Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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