My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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