dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
