Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
