you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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