i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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