i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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