For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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