wat bout pragnant strippers??
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
