I accidentally had phone sex last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
