Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
