So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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