And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
