we have pet lesbian snakes
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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