Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
