so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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