Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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