If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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