I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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