4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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