Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
