you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
