When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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