Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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