i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
