just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
