Need sex. Gaining weight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
