allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
