so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
