Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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