It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I want her autograph on my taint
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
