You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
