Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
