Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
