oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
