I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
