Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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