So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
