Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
