Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
