where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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