I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
