I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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